Zen and Marriage

The rate of divorce is skyrocketing in the United States, and the U.S. Census estimates about half of marriages end in divorce.  According to relationship experts, the number of long-term relationships heading towards separation is becoming more frequent with a longer life span and a growing acceptability of divorce. A case in point: former Vice President, who after 40 years of a seemingly happy marriage, decided to separate from his wife, and announced that they would go their own separate ways. 

So what the experts are in fact saying is that people divorce because they have a longer lifespan, and that divorce is no longer a social taboo.

But marriage is about commitment and responsibility. What our society is saying is that individuals have a right to look for something better as long as they have a breath of life in them, or to opt for something more satisfying as long as something is available to them. If that were the foundation of marriage, then why bothered to get married in the first place? Remember, marriage is not a dress that you throw away when it no longer fits you. If you find that your body has outgrown the dress, you can slim down so that you can fit into the dress again, or you can have it altered so that it can fit into you. In other words, life is about changes, and so is marriage. You just have to adapt yourself to these changes, and that makes it  challenging and interesting, and that is what marriage is all about. You don't just walk away from a marriage because you don't like it anymore. A marriage is a lifetime commitment for thick and thin, for better or for worse.

Are you finding yourself in a marriage that you want to get out of, or in a relationship that you don't like?

Only you have the answer.

However, here are some thoughts of Zen wisdom:

First of all, Zen is not an Eastern religion, but an ancient Chinese philosophy based on the wisdom of Lao Tzu, a sage and the author of the famous ancient Chinese classic "Tao Te Ching."

Life is full of problems, so do not strive to seek a solution to all the problems in life. As a matter of fact, too much striving is the source of stress, which may create more stress and therefore more problems than solutions.

Right and wrong co-exist, so do the desirable and the undesirable. In life, embrace what is pleasant, well as what is unpleasant. Just as Sosan, the Zen scholar, said: "To separate what we like from what we dislike is the disease of the mind."

True love is loving without expectations. Love is never having to use someone to make you feel better. Remember, you are who you are, and you are good enough for the one you love.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau