Letting Go

What Is “Letting Go”?

“Letting go” literally means releasing your close or tight fist in order to abandon or give up something that you are holding in your hand. If you are close- or tight- fisted, you also cannot receive anything. “Letting go” is detachment.

The opposite of “letting go” is “attaching to” something that you are stubbornly holding on to.

To live well, you need to ask yourself many self-probing questions as you continue on your life journey in order to find out: who you really are, and not who you think or wish you were; what you really need, and not what you want from life; why certain undesirable things happened while certain desirable things did not happen to you. Without knowing the answers to those questions asked, you can never be genuinely happy because you will always be looking for the unreal and the unattainable, just like the carrot-and-stick mule forever reaching out for the unreachable carrot in front.

In many ways, the human brain is like a computer program. Your whole being is like the computer hardware with the apparatus of a mind, a body, and its five senses. The lens through which you see yourself, as well as others and the world around you, are the software that has been programmed by your thoughts, your past and present experiences, as well as your own desires and expectations. In other words, it is you—and nobody else—who have programmed your own mindset. All these years, you may have been trapped in a constricted sense of the self that has prevented you from knowing and being who you really are. That is to say, your “conditioned” thinking mind may have erroneously made you "think" and even "believe" that you are who and what you are right now; but nothing could be further from the truth.

By asking relevant questions, you may have the human wisdom to "change" that pre-conditioned mindset, and thus enabling you to separate the truths from the half-truths or even the myths that you may have created for yourself voluntarily or involuntarily all these years.

What Are Attachments?

An attachment is basically your own emotional dependence on things and people that define your identity, around which you wrap your so-called “happiness”, and even your survival. Attachment is holding on to anything that you are unwilling to let go of, whether it is something positive or even negative.

An attachment is no more than a safety blanket to overcome your fear—fear of change and fear of the unknown from that change. To cope with that fear, all your attachments become your distractions.

We are living in a world with many problems that confront us in our everyday life, and many of them are not only unavoidable but also insoluble. To overcome these daily challenges, many of us just turn to attachments as a means of distracting ourselves from facing our problems head on, or adapting and changing ourselves in an ever-changing environment.

All our struggles in life, from anxiety to frustration, from anger to sadness, from grief to worry—they all stem from the same thing: our attachment to how we want things to be, rather than relaxing into accepting and embracing whatever that might happen after we have put forth our best effort.

Given that attachment is closely related to the thinking mind: how it processes life experiences, it is therefore important to know and to understand the different phases of life.lo, such as the development phase, the transitional phase, the consolidation phase, and the letting-go phase.

The Letting-Go Phase

With advancement in age, and as age begins to take its toll on the body and the mind, most of the life habits that control how they should live have become well established. Their thoughts, based on decades of their past experiences, now dominate their thinking, and hence control how they live the rest of their lives. At this point, it may be difficult, if not impossible, to alter the way they process their experiences and perceptions—just as the saying goes: “It is difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.”

In this final phase in their lives, unfortunately, they have to learn letting go, whether they like it or not. Everything begins to slip away from their lives: their youth, their health, and inevitably their minds too.

All in all, how the mind processes experiences and perceptions determines the type of person you are and will become. The happenings in your life are real, but the way you process and perceive them may positively or negatively affect your life because they are stored in your subconscious mind, which may either give you valuable life lessons, or create delusions and self-deceptions that may not only confuse you but also lead you astray. True human wisdom, therefore, plays a pivotal role in how the thinking mind processes all life experiences and their respective expectations.

It is in this final phase that you must learn how to let go of anthing and everything in order to live the rest of your life as if everything is a miracle.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Living Life Wisdom

Living Life Wisdom

Live your life according to your inner intuitive spirit, and not according to the have-to-do philosophy of contemporary world. There is no such a thing as have-to-do, neither is there a must-follow recipe for living. That having said, to live well, you must get to do a lot, much more than you would like to do, but do without over-doing.

To live well, you must be the creator of your own life. Be creative. A creative approach to transformative life is empowering: it enables you to ask soul-searching and mind-stimulating questions to get a better understanding of your problems and pains in your life. Living is a path of self-discovery—discovering your own false judgments about the world you are living in. These false judgments of yours have been made through years of self-seeking that, ironically enough, has created the self-deceptions and illusions responsible for the problems and difficulties in your life.

According to the TAO, the ancient wisdom from China, based on the ancient sage, Lao Tzu, who was the author of the immortal classic TAO TE CHING on human wisdom.

According to Lao Tzu, this is how the human mind has become distorted and dysfunctional:

In the beginning, man did not know things existed, and so he had perfect knowledge.

Later, he found out things existed, but made no distinctions between them.

Then, he began to make some distinctions, but expressed no judgment about right and wrong.

Now, he makes judgments of right and wrong, and that leads to his own preferences of likes and dislikes, which then create his desires and expectations—the sources of his suffering. In short, the human mind is like an unbridled horse: it makes judgments, making what does not exist, exist, and what does exist, does not exist. In the process, illusions and self-deceptions are created, and they become the substances of the ego-self.

The only solution is to change the way you think through your mind. If you can change the way you see the world, your life will be totally different. Remember, the TAO mind is not the human mind. The human mind is concerned with worldly things and worldly life, forever making false distinctions and discriminations based on human desires to seek pleasures and to avoid pains. The TAO mind is a perfect mirror that reflects everything perfectly, but it does not hold on to anything at all, because what it sees in the mirror is just a reflection, an image of something intangible, unreachable, and therefore unreal. Use your mind like a mirror: it reflects what you see, but does not retain it, and therefore you learn to let go of everything that you see because it is unreal. That is the true wisdom in the art of living well.

A TAO mind, however, does not stop you from living a proactive life but your activities should fit into the natural patterns of the universe, and therefore need to be completely detached and disinterested, and not ego-driven.

Remember, life is but a mirror of yourself and how you live your life..

The bottom line: There is no recipe for living. If there were, it would just serve to put together the ingredients of both ancient and conventional wisdom, to be enhanced and complemented by spiritual wisdom.

True wisdom has no form and no concept; it has to be experienced and internalized in order to intuit its essence to cope with challenges and problems in life.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

FREE BOOK

 FREE BOOK

Get this FREE BOOK to help an unbeliever become a believer.

Here is an outline of the book:

ONE: What is disbelief? What is unbelief? What is belief?

TWO: What is human wisdom? Asking questions and seeking answers; enlightenment.

            What is spiritual wisdom? Spirituality; understanding the many paradoxes of life.

THREE: The Belief Journey

The Preparation: intent to believe; consciousness to believe; imperfections to believe;  connectedness to others to believe.

The Compass: The Bible tells you where you are right now. Learn how to begin learning the Word of God.

The roadmap: The roadmap tells you where you are heading on your belief journey.

The Word of God; the presence of God; the trust and the obedience of God; the sin and the evil of man; the justice and the injustice of God; the living in reality in this world; the penitence and the forgiveness of man; the redemption and the salvation of man; the awakening and the enlightenment; the Second Coming of Jesus and the revelation of what to come.

All of the above are illustrated with real-life examples to show you how and why you should become a believer.

This 97-page book is absolutely FREE. Give it to others who are still unbelievers.

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 FREE BOOK

Disbelief and Unbelief: A Belief Journey for Unbelievers

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Marriage and Money

 

LOVE AND MONEY WISDOM

The wisdom of love

If you feel gratitude for those you love and for those who love you, you‘ll be happy.

If you appreciate what you now have, you’ll not feel the lack.

If you love and forgive yourself totally (only you can do that, and no one can do that for you), you’ll learn to let go of the past and move forward with your happiness.

The wisdom of love will give you the energy within for you to do anything and everything in every aspect of your life to give you happiness.

The wisdom of love and money

If you want to marry rich, do you think of love first, or the one you’re going to marry?

If you’re rich, does your loved one love you or your money? The rich and the wealthy, due to their ego, often don’t really care.

If you aren’t rich, do you love an individual irrespective of that individual’s abundance or lack?

There’re no definitive answers to all of the above questions. True and genuine love is unconditional, which is loving someone with or without money, and love is priceless.

The bottom line

Money cannot buy love, and love cannot buy money—that’s the reality. But love is hardly disconnected from the reality of living in the material world that involves money. And that’s also the reality.

So, you must focus on your own core values, such as honesty, integrity, love, compassion, generosity, and gratitude, among others. Your core values have little to do with money; instead, they demonstrate the values of what life has to offer, and not the values of things purchased with money. Your core values affect how you may live for the rest of your life, including with your marriage partner.

So, look at love and money from your own perspectives, such that you’ll not end up only loving money, and not its wisdom.

Getting Married to Make You Happy?

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

TAO in Everything

 

The TAO is the profound wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China more than 2,600 years ago. as 

The TAO has thrived and survived thousands of years for a good reason: what was applicable in the past is still applicable in the present; what was true in the past is still true today. Another testament to this universal truth is that "Tao Te Ching"-- the only book written by Lao Tzu -- is one of the most translated books in world literature -- probably only after the Bible.

The TAO is easy to understand but most controversial. The explanation is that there is no absolute truth about human wisdom, which is all about self-intuition and self-enlightenment. That is to say, your mind is uniquely yours, and your thinking is your own thinking.

The TAO plays a pivotal role in every aspect of your life. With wisdom, you will see the TAO in everything, including the following:

Don't Die     Letting Go    Immune System    Golden Years    Cancer Cure   Yin Yang

No Depression   Healthier Younger   Miracle Living   Money Wisdom    Living Life

Prayers Unanswered   Happiness Wisdom  Nothing Everything   Healthy Pregnancy

Aging Revelation   Marriage Divorce   Deadly Sins   See Better  Biblical Wisdom

No Ego

Go to: TAO in Everyday Life.

Anti-Depression Love Recipes

Love Recipes

“Love” is a big word in all human civilizations. For all religious disparities, love still plays an essential role in all the world’s religions. Love plays an important role in human lives, especially living in a world of conflicts and aggression.

What is the real meaning of “love”? Love involves our emotions and feelings. We all love some things and some people. Love, ironically enough, gives us both happiness and unhappiness. When the love is fulfilled, we feel happy; when the love is rejected or unrequited, we then feel pain, which becomes the unhappiness. This, unfortunately, is the reality of love.

Loving others is not that easy, and loving yourself is sometimes even more difficulty. This is also the reality of life.

The truth of the matter is that to truly love someone is very difficult, if not impossible, unless you love yourself first.

Self-acceptance

In a general sense, self-esteem is the positive or negative evaluative perception of self.  It is a rating of self based on a partial assessment of current and/or past traits. Many mental health professionals claim that achieving higher self-esteem is the keystone of good mental health, in particular, in avoiding depression; such claims, however, are dubious at best.

Low self-esteem is self-doubt, often expressed in not asserting oneself in public or workplace, and not pushing past one’s comfort zones.

To love yourself is self-acceptance, which is accepting who and what you really are—and not who and what you wish you were (that is, your ego-self). It should also be pointed out that “loving yourself” and “loving your ego-self” are not quite the same. The former is loving yourself for who you really are despite all your imperfections; the latter involves loving or craving to be the person you wish you were. “Loving yourself” means you can love others as well because they are not very different from you in that they, too, are as imperfect as you are. On the other hand, “loving your ego-self” means it is very difficult to love others because you want to distinguish and separate yourself from others; accordingly, others must somehow satisfy your ego first before you can love them. That explains why if you have a big ego-self, you cannot easily and readily love others.

The bottom line: if you can accept yourself as who and what you are, then it may become much easier for you to accept and love others as who and what they are.

Oneness of all life

Accepting and loving others implies having mindfulness of the inter-connection between people; that is to say, no man is an island, according to the poet John Donne. This mindfulness leads to love, and then to the awareness of the presence of God or that of a Higher Being. Love is the first step towards spirituality.

The oneness of all life is one of the basic laws of Nature: that is, we are all inter-connected with one another. This universal moral principle holds the key to true and lasting freedom in living. Without that freedom, we are forever living in human bondage that inhibits further development of the wellness of the body, the mind, and the soul. Without this wellness alignment, there is no wellness wisdom.

An illustration

A pastor from Hong Kong was invited to give a sermon in China. A woman from the congregation asked the pastor if it was right to give money to get her son into an elite school. The pastor replied by saying: “Your son getting into that elite school would also imply depriving another child of that same opportunity you are seeking for your child.”

A year later, the pastor met the same woman, who told him that her son had got into that elite school but without using her kwanxi or connection. The pastor then said to her: “See, God is in control; if you would just let Him.”

Thinking question

If you were the woman with the money and the kwanxi, would you have done differently?

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Teaching Your Smart Baby to Count

Teach your baby the mathematic concept of numbers, even long before he can speak.

Show your baby your one finger, and say: “ONE.” Then show him your two fingers and say “TWO.” If your baby begins to show his interest in language, he will look at your mouth and watch how you articulate clearly and slowly those words. Repeat the process with two similar objects, such as two balls, saying “ONE” and “TWO.” At first, you baby may think that the sounds of the two words refer to the balls and the fingers. But, as soon as he knows what “balls” and “fingers” are, he will then perceive the abstract concept of numbers. Then proceed to counting other numbers, and play some simple board games, during which he learns to read the numbers on the dice as he moves his playing piece over the board.

The bottom line: expose your baby to the mathematic concept, and let him relate or understand the concept when he is mentally ready. Recognition of objects is the first step, and understanding the mathematic concept of numbers will follow suit.

To illustrate, “Chaser” is the name of the dog belonging to a retired psychologist John Pilley, who has successfully trained his dog to recognize over one thousand toys or items by their name and retrieve them at his command. It was shown on TV that Chaser has the largest tested memory of any non-human animal. If a dog can do it, a smart baby may have the super memory to remember everything. All he needs to do is to harness his mental skills to put everything in the right order through mental perception, and then relate them to some abstract concepts he has experienced or has been exposed to—this mental visualization and subsequent profound understanding is a testament to his intelligence.

Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Does Money Make You Happy?

Human existence is meaningless, if it is devoid of human happiness.

Since time immemorial, man has been searching for happiness. Many believe that human wisdom holds the key to ultimate success in the quest for happiness. Hence, the pursuit of wisdom is also as old as age.

Happiness is like a carrot-and-stick to a mule—forever unattainable: the more pain inflicted on the mule, the greater desire it shows to reach out for that unreachable carrot in front. Maybe that explains the painstaking pursuit of happiness by many. Indeed, happiness is not only abstract and intangible, but also elusive and evasive.

Happiness comes in many different forms. What happiness to one individual may not be happiness to another—just as one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Happiness is uniquely personal. In addition, even if it is attainable, happiness comes and goes, just as day and night. Furthermore, no matter what, happiness has to come to an end with the expiration of life.

It is human nature to seek happiness by any means, and human wisdom is considered the most appropriate way to attaining human happiness. During the brief lifespan, humans seek their own wisdom to help them pursue their happiness that may come to them in many different forms, such as wealth, good health, satisfying relationships, successful careers and endeavors, and among others.

Sadly, the many different forms of happiness that most people crave and pursue in their lives may not bring them true and lasting happiness.

Why not? It is because there are certain myths about true happiness.

One of the myths is that happiness is about experiences. Accordingly, many use money to buy those pleasant life experiences, such as going on a vacation, throwing a party, or buying an expensive dress. The memories of those happy life experiences in the past, as well as the thoughts of those happy moments to be repeated in the future—both are unreal: the past was gone, and the future is yet to come. So, the happiness created by those memories and thoughts in the human mind is unreal and self-delusional at best.

Another happiness myth is that most happy life experiences have to do with sensual sensations, which are based on pleasures derived from the five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But sensations can provide only sensual pleasures—such as the excitement of new experiences, the thrill and passion of sex, or the delights of a fine meal—they last only a brief moment or two, and they do not contribute to true and lasting happiness.

The truth of the matter is that all your wonderful life experiences are only to be enjoyed, and then to be let go of, just as a delicious meal is to be enjoyed, savored, and then to be digested, and ultimately eliminated from the body. So, the continuous quest for happiness is elusive and evasive, just like chasing the wind.

The truth of the matter is that happiness is but a state of mind, and that is why it is abstract, intangible, and unattainable. It is all in the mind’s eye—just as John Milton, the famous English poet, says in his masterpiece Paradise Lost:

“The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n.”

According to the Harvard Business Review, money and happiness are not positively correlated, because wealth may make people less generous and more domineering. In addition, money may not bring out the best of an individual: the more money that individual has, the more focused on self that individual may become, and so the less sensitive to the needs of people around, as well as the more likely to do all the wrong things due to the feeling of right and entitlement.

An illustration of going from riches to nothing

Barbara Woolworth Hutton, also known as “the poor little rich girl”, was one of the wealthiest women in the world during the Great Depression. She had experienced an unhappy childhood with the early loss of her mother at age five and the neglect of her father, setting her the stage for a life of difficulty in forming relationships.

Married and divorced seven times, she acquired grand foreign titles, but was maliciously treated and exploited by several of her husbands. Publicly, she was much envied for her lavish lifestyle and her exuberant wealth; privately, she was very insecure and unhappy, leading to addiction and fornication.

Barbara Hutton died of a heart attack at age 66. At her death, the formerly wealthy Hutton was on the verge of bankruptcy as a result of exploitation, as well as her own lavish and luxurious lifestyle.

Barbara Hutton was the unhappy poor little rich girl! She was widely reported in the media, and her story was even made into a Hollywood movie: “The Poor Little Rich Girl.”

An illustration of going from rags to riches

Christopher Paul Gardner is an American businessman, entrepreneur, investor, author, and philanthropist. In the early 1980s, Gardner was very poor and homeless; he was often sleeping on the floor of a public toilet. Gardner never dreamt that he would become a multi-millionaire one day. His very inspiring life story was even made into a hit Hollywood movie, starring Will Smith: “The Pursuit of Happyness.”

Gardner was brought up with the belief that he could do or be anything that he wanted to do or be. He was homeless, but he was not hopeless. He often dreamed of wealth and success, and his dreams were not mirages. Because of his right doing, he made his dreams come true.

Initially, Gardner made his living by selling medical equipment. He did not make enough money to make both ends meet, and his poverty made him homeless for a year.

Then, one day, Gardner met a stockbroker in a red Ferrari, who offered him internship because of his incredible drive and sustained enthusiasm. He had a successful investment career, and he subsequently opened his own investment firm, Gardner Rich & Co.

More than two decades later, after the death of his wife, who challenged him to find his own true happiness and fulfillment in the remainder of his life, Gardner then made a complete career change. He became a philanthropist and a remarkable motivation speaker traveling around the world, focusing not on his own wealth, but on humanity and helping others to get their happiness.

According to Gardner, life journey is always a process of lesson learning and forward moving:

“People often ask me would I trade anything from my past, and I quickly tell them NO, because my past helped to make me into the person I am today.”

“On that life journey, mental focus is essential: focusing not just on the big things in life but also on the small things as well; appreciating what you have rather than dwelling on what you lack.”

       

“What seems like nothing in the eyes of the world, when properly valued and put to use, can be among the greatest riches.” 

“Wealth can also be that attitude of gratitude with which we remind ourselves everyday to count our blessings.” 

“The balance in your life is more important than the balance in your checking account.”

According to Gardner, everything begins with self-belief and doing.

“I just wanted to make a million dollars. But I couldn’t sing and I couldn’t play ball, so I said to my mother, ‘How am I going to make a million dollars?’ And she said to me, ‘Son, if you believe you can do it, you will.’” 

“It can be done, but you have to make it happen.” 

The above illustrations show that money can make you happy or unhappy, depending on your money values, and how you apply them to your daily life and living—that is, your money wisdom.

Click here to ge your paperback, and click here to get your ebook.

NORA WISE

Copyright © Nora Wise

The 29 Smart Steps to Teach Your Smart Kid to Read

THE 29 SMART STEPS

STEP 1:   Developing Motor Abilities & Sensory Perception

STEP 2:   Initiating Imitation

STEP 3:   Developing Thinking

STEP 4:   Pointing at Things

STEP 5:   Developing Active Speech

STEP 6:   Familiarizing with the Orientation of Print

STEP 7:   Teaching Perception and Discrimination

STEP 8:   Teaching Visual/Perceptual Consistency

STEP 9:   Auditory, Visual Sequencing, and Memory Skills

STEP 10: Introducing Finger Painting

STEP 11: Beginning Writing Skill

STEP 12: Introducing Nursery Rhymes and Lullabies

STEP 13: Introducing Picture Story Books

STEP 14: Teaching Prediction

STEP 15: Teaching Word Recognition

STEP 16: Teaching the Alphabet

STEP 17: Teaching Pronunciation

STEP 18: Developing Independent Reading

STEP 19: Learning Sounds and Their Letters

STEP 20: Encouraging Printing

STEP 21: Lap Reading

STEP 22: Shared Reading

STEP 23: Paired Reading

STEP 24: Teaching Language Irregularities

STEP 25: Extending Sight Vocabulary

STEP 26: Encouraging the Use of Symbols

STEP 27: Exploring Different Modes of Discourse

STEP 28: Creating a Proper Writing Environment

STEP 29: Teaching the Sentence

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Make Your Baby A Genius

Thomas Edison rightfully said: “Genius is one percent inspiration, and 99 percent perspiration.”

This applies to both the baby and the parents. Perspiration means effort and endeavor, both of which involve consistent and considerable time consumption. Do spend time with your baby if you want him to be smart. If you are the parents who wish your baby to become a super baby—not necessarily a genius or prodigy someday—there are many things you have to do, as well as many things you shouldn’t do.

Repetitions

Do repeat and repeat. Repetitions strengthen the neural pathways in your baby’s brain. Do any activity with your baby again and yet again.

Do encourage your baby to repeat his activities again and yet again.

Don’t stop an activity just because your baby has already acquired the skills or learned how to do it. Repeat it not only to reinforce it but also to improve his memory skills.

 

Don’t get bored yourself. Instead, do observe the subtle differences in the repetitions of those activities to better understand how your baby has managed and mastered those memory skills.

Stimulations

Do give your baby stimulations as many and as often as possible. Any physical stimulation enhances brain cells and motor skills development in your baby.

Do stimulate your baby’s auditory sensations. Do speak in different tones: whispering and shouting (of course, don’t frighten your baby).

Do articulate your words slowly, syllable by syllable. Do sing to your baby, even creating your own words and rhythms.

Do touch your baby as often as possible, especially his fingers and toes.

Do create movements: exaggerated facial expressions; clapping hands; and even jumping up and down.

Do vary your stimulations, the types, as well as the duration.

Do encourage your baby to respond to your different stimulations. If he makes noises, let him. If he smiles, repeat it.

The bottom line: don’t let your baby get bored; but don’t over-stimulate your baby (no more than 5 minutes each time). 

Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart

This book is written for parents and grandparents who wish to make their smart babies super smart. This can be achieved through everyday simple games, activities and interactions aimed at increasing brain cells through spatial intelligence, non-verbal communication, emotional development, language skills, kinesthetic enhancement, and music appreciation.

Stephen Lau