The Science of Happiness about Parenting

The Science of Happiness about Parenting

Parenting may bring you satisfaction only if you are intentionally starting a family. But parenting is undertaking a difficult new venture fraught with many responsibilities, which are often very unpredictable. In addition, you are also forfeiting a lot of things that made you happy in the past.

Economist Andrew Oswald once said: “It’s not that children make you less happy; it’s just that children don’t make you more happy.”

But, according to a team of Californian psychologists, “overall, parents report happier, more satisfied, and thinking more about the meaning in life than non-parents do.”

Given that children create more work for those who love them, young parents, single parents, and moms may not find happiness in bringing up their children.

Remember:

If you are thinking of having kids to make you happier, think again! A parent’s first job is not to raise kids, but to enjoy them.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

How and Why You May Look Older

Being a parent may make you start thinking if you’ve grown older. Look at the mirror, and see if you’ve wrinkles.

Everyone likes to look forever younger. The reasons are obvious.

The youthful look of a person is primarily based on the skin of that individual. The first impression of a person is the face: the perception of youthfulness in that individual is determined by the following factors:

Skin color

Skin texture

Feel and touch of the skin

Your skin renews itself every 35 to 45 days. Your skin maintains its youthfulness through its continual rejuvenation. Aging begins to take its toll on the skin when the rejuvenation or renewal process is interrupted. Such interruption varies with different individuals, and that variation determines how the skin of that individual may age, as well as how it may look as it ages.

Intrinsic aging is caused by internal factors in your body, some of which are beyond your control.

Cessation or interruption of skin cell replication process

Your skin cells divide and replicate continually. However, after a while, they stop the replication process. Surprisingly, the skin cells do not perish; instead, they accumulate in your skin and secrete substances that further interrupt the natural renewal process of other healthy skin cells. Such interruption adversely affects the level of collagen, which is the most abundant protein in your body. Given that collagen makes up approximately six percent of your body weight, its breakdown takes away support of the skin, and thus causing fine wrinkles to appear on your face.

Decline of hormone production

In chronological aging, your body’s production of hormones declines as you age.

Being a woman, your estrogen (hormones) level may decline by as much as 30 percent during the first ten years of menopause. This significant loss of estrogen not only causes your skin to become thinner and less elastic, but also prolongs the renewal process of your normal skin cells.

Change in physical structure of the face

Over time, the physical structure of your face changes due to the loss of bone mass and the decline in the volume of fat under the skin.

Stress 

Stress may cause the flare up of acne, eczema (red swollen skin), and rosacea (a chronic skin disease in people with fair or light skin).

There are ways to reverse your aging if you take care of your skin, or even make your own anti-aging cream.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Internal Cleansing to Prepare Pregnancy

If you decide to get pregnant, you must make sure you are internally clean—that is the only way to prevent disease or any complication during your pregnancy.

Colon cleansing

Colon cleansing is a must for a healthy digestive system.

Add one teaspoon of Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate) to one glass of water. Drink this first thing in the morning for up to three weeks. Do this treatment twice a year.

Alternatively, take one to three teaspoons of Castor oil in a glass of warm water. Drink it first thing in the morning or on an empty stomach before going to bed. Do this treatment on a regular basis, or as needed.

Kidney cleansing

Check to see if you may have kidney stones by pulling the skin under your eyes sideways toward your cheekbones to see if there is any visible pimple or protrusion, or discoloration of the skin.

Liver cleansing

A healthy liver needs regular detoxification.

Drink organic unsweetened apple juice daily for 2 to 3 consecutive days to initiate detoxification.

Eat a raw diet of only fruits and vegetables, with no dairy products, for 2 to 3 days.

Drink a mixture of organic pure olive oil (4 ounces) and equal amount of fresh squeezed lemon juice. Shake well and drink immediately before going to bed.

Drink ginger tea daily for liver and bowel cleansing: juice one lemon, a two-inch fresh ginger root, four cloves, and one stick of cinnamon; add juice to two cups of water in a saucepan; bring to boil, and simmer for 15 minute.

Drinking enough water

Drink enough water to maintain adequate bile production and bile consistency., that is, more than 8 glasses of pure water. Alcohol dehydrates. Avoid all sugary or energy-boosting drinks.

Eating natural unrefined sea salt

Add a pinch of sea salt to your drinking water to alkalize it, as well as to provide important minerals and trace elements.

Adopt a healthy lifestyle with adequate sleep and without undue stress. Exercise regularly.

Stephen Lau 

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Letting Go to De-Stress

Being a mother now may help you recollect the past -- your own past relationship with your parents. We all have a past; some of us may have a pleasant one, while others a less pleasant one. No matter what, the past was gone, and no longer real, except the memory of it. Only the present is real, and that is why it is called "present" -- a gift or present from the Creator.

Letting go of the past may hold the key to living a stress-free life. It is the wisdom of living well in this day and age. In this material world, many of us believe that more is always better. Why do we want more? The explanation is simple: we tend to identify all material things with our ego: the car we drive, the house we live in, the clothes we wear, the career we have. But they are all in our minds, and they don't last. Knowing this ultimate truth, we still hold on to everything in our possession, refusing to let go. This is how we have created stress in our lives.

According to the ancient wisdom of Tao, which is the profound wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, who was the author of the immortal classic Tao Te Ching, one of the most translated works in world literature, letting go begins with the mind first:

"Letting go is emptying the mundane,

to be filled with heavenly grace.

Blessed is he who has an empty mind.

He will be filled with knowledge and wisdom from the Creator.

Blessed is he who has no attachment to worldly things.

He will be compensated with heavenly riches.

Blessed is he who has no ego-self.

He will be rewarded with humility to connect with the Creator.

Blessed is he who has no judgment of self and others.

He will find contentment and empathy in everyone.

Letting go of everything is the Way to the Creator."

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 9)

To find out more about the essentials of Tao wisdom, click here.

Life is about mind over matter. To fully harness your mind power, first of all, you need to fully understand the role of the mind and how your mind works, so that it may work for you, instead of against you; and then learn the strategies to fully utilize your mind power. You think and your thoughts become the raw materials with which you weave the fabrics of your life, including your choices and decisions, your actions and reactions; your thinking is based on your perceptions of your past experiences, and the memories of those experiences.

According to Lao Tzu, an empty mind means you let go of all your memories that are responsible for inflating your ego. Without your ego, you have no stress.

Stephen Lau 

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Parents' Passions

Parents' passions are critical to raising smart kids.

Writing and painting have always been my life passions. I simply like to express my thoughts in words and with colors.

One of  the reasons why I wrote this book is to tell my daughter how I raised her, now that she has become a mother. In addition, I would like to share my past experience with other parents.

I still reminisce that long-ago experience, in particular, my effort in raising my daughter. I learned how to ride a bike so that I could teach her how to ride one. I knew how to float but did not know how to breathe under water; I taught myself how to swim in order to teach her swimming. I took up some piano lessons so that I could fiddle with my fingers on the keyboard while she was practicing her piano lessons. I brushed up my rusty French so that I could help her with her French lessons. I taught her Chinese, one of the most difficult languages in the world; she could recognize more than 500 Chinese words when she was just five-years old. Most importantly, I taught her how to read; she could read when she was two-and-half-years old, and I even wrote a book “How to Teach Children to Read” based on the games and exercises I used to teach her reading skills.

I strongly believe that parents who are passionate about their children’s learning experience can accomplish almost anything with their children, and the sky is the limit.

Let me tell you that the reward is nondescript. In the first few years of her life, I had given her a strong foundation for her intellectual development. The payoff was immense: throughout her elementary and high school years, she was very much on her own, and I did not have to supervise her homework or her academic studies.

Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Dos and Don'ts to Protect the Immune System During Pregnancy

Do enhance and protect the immune system of the baby and the mother during pregnancy, in particular, the overall health and well-being of the baby before and after birth.

    

The Dos and Don’ts

Do eat only living foods: fresh, whole, and, preferably, organic foods. Don’t eat processed foods (supermarket foods), which are loaded with colorings, preservatives, and taste enhancers.

Do eat sea salt, which is loaded with minerals. Don’t eat table salt (why not: research showed that increased salt intake proportionately increases cancer risk in the bladder, esophagus, and stomach).  

Do get your sugar from fruits and vegetables. Don’t take refined sugar or, worse, artificial sugars, such as aspartame, saccharin, or sucralose (why not: they are more dangerous than refined sugar, because they are loaded with chemicals that impair the immune system).

Do chew your food thoroughly—at least 10-15 times before swallowing (why: thorough chewing activates enzymes for better digestion facilitates the absorption of vitamins and nutrients, and reduces the production of stomach acid, which is a source of heartburn).

    

Foods to Boost the Immune System

Apples

  

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Do eat two to three apples a day to keep you healthy throughout your pregnancy (why: the pectin in apples may decrease your cholesterol levels, facilitate your bowel movements to keep you internally clean and to avoid constipation, which may be common during your pregnancy, and improve your lung function).

  

Don’t peel the apples (why not: the nutrients are in the skin). Get organic apples, if possible, to avoid pesticides.

Brown Rice

  

Do eat brown rice, which is one of the few pain-safe foods (foods that do not trigger body pain). It is one of the best staple foods for lowering high blood sugar. Brown rice is loaded with antioxidants, vitamins, and nutrients essential for a healthy pregnancy.

Don’t get white rice (why not: while rice is stripped of its nutrients).

Sea Vegetables

  

Do add sea vegetables to your salads and soups (why: sea vegetables have more concentrated nutrients, such as calcium, iron, and protein, than land vegetables).

Sweet Potatoes and Yams

Do include sweet potatoes and yams in your daily diet (why: sweet potatoes and yams are rich in beta-carotene, fiber, protein, vitamin C, and DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone)—a precursor hormone).

The Burdock and Daikon Drink for a Healthier Immune System

  

Burdock root has been used as both food and medicine in Asia and Europe for thousands of years. Recently, it has been used as a nourishing tonic for cancer, liver disease, and rheumatism. Burdock root is a staple diet of the Japanese, who are among the peoples with the longest lifespan in the world.

Fresh burdock root is available at many greengrocers, Asian supermarkets, and natural food stores in the United States.

Daikon is Japanese radish. Its phytochemicals have recognized healing and anti-carcinogenic properties: it cleanses the blood (the kidneys); it promotes energy circulation; it increases the metabolic rate (a weight loss remedy in Asia); it decongests the lungs, clears sore throat, colds, and edema.

These are the ingredients to make the burdock and daikon drink:

One burdock root (about 24 inches long)

One daikon with green tops

One small carrot with green tops

Here is how to prepare the drink:

Cut all ingredients into small pieces.

Place them in a pot with water double the volume of the ingredients.

Bring to a boil.

Pour out the content, and drink it.

You can repeat the process one more time. This time, after bringing it to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer it for another 20 minutes. Let the ingredients steep in the hot water for another 20 minutes before drinking it.

    

The burdock and daikon drink is a healthy drink for the immune system throughout the pregnancy. Do follow the Asian wisdom for a healthy pregnancy.

Stephen Lau

Some of the Dos and Don'ts During Pregnancy

Do Overcome Food Aversions and Cravings

   

Certain food aversions and cravings may develop around the second trimester (why: change of hormones changes food taste and smell). Do overcome food aversions and cravings (why: they may lead to problematic stealth nutrients).

Do overcome healthy food aversions and unhealthy food cravings by:

    

Eating mild-tasting vegetables, such as mash potato and sweet yam

Pureeing cooked legumes and strong-tasting vegetables, such as broccoli and cauliflower

Whipping up a healthy smoothie

    

Do Observe Food Safety

    

   Food is never completely sterile and safe (why not: food has nutrition, water, and warmth—an environment for germs to grow). Contaminated food may result in listeriosis, causing miscarriage, preterm delivery, and low-birth-weight baby with symptoms of fever, chills, muscle aches, diarrhea; E. coli infection from contaminated sprouts and vegetables causing kidney dysfunction with symptoms of abdominal cramps and bloody diarrhea; and salmonella poisoning with severe symptoms of eye irritation and painful urination.

    

Do handle and store food safely to avoid bacteria, parasites, and viruses.

Do reheat hot dogs, luncheon meats, ham, and turkey until steaming hot.

Do keep your hands and utensils clean.

Do keep separate cutting boards for meat and vegetables.

Do keep your foods fresh.

Do sanitize the kitchen countertops with homemade cleanser (small amount of chlorine bleach with water).

Do cook food thoroughly.

Do refrigerate or freeze perishables, prepared food, and leftovers within two hours.

Do read food labels to avoid additives and chemicals as much as possible.

Do reduce the consumption of fruits, such as cherries, grapes, pears, and strawberries; and vegetables, such as bell peppers, celery, lettuce, spinach, and potatoes (why: they are more vulnerable to pesticides, according to the Environmental Working Group; do consume their organic counterparts).

Don’t eat smoked seafood unless they are thoroughly cooked.

Don’t eat soft cheese made with unpasteurized milk.

Don’t reuse a marinade on cooked food.

Don’t take unpasteurized milk or foods that contain them.

    

Stephen Lau

Zen and Marriage

The rate of divorce is skyrocketing in the United States, and the U.S. Census estimates about half of marriages end in divorce.  According to relationship experts, the number of long-term relationships heading towards separation is becoming more frequent with a longer life span and a growing acceptability of divorce. A case in point: former Vice President, who after 40 years of a seemingly happy marriage, decided to separate from his wife, and announced that they would go their own separate ways. 

So what the experts are in fact saying is that people divorce because they have a longer lifespan, and that divorce is no longer a social taboo.

But marriage is about commitment and responsibility. What our society is saying is that individuals have a right to look for something better as long as they have a breath of life in them, or to opt for something more satisfying as long as something is available to them. If that were the foundation of marriage, then why bothered to get married in the first place? Remember, marriage is not a dress that you throw away when it no longer fits you. If you find that your body has outgrown the dress, you can slim down so that you can fit into the dress again, or you can have it altered so that it can fit into you. In other words, life is about changes, and so is marriage. You just have to adapt yourself to these changes, and that makes it  challenging and interesting, and that is what marriage is all about. You don't just walk away from a marriage because you don't like it anymore. A marriage is a lifetime commitment for thick and thin, for better or for worse.

Are you finding yourself in a marriage that you want to get out of, or in a relationship that you don't like?

Only you have the answer.

However, here are some thoughts of Zen wisdom:

First of all, Zen is not an Eastern religion, but an ancient Chinese philosophy based on the wisdom of Lao Tzu, a sage and the author of the famous ancient Chinese classic "Tao Te Ching."

Life is full of problems, so do not strive to seek a solution to all the problems in life. As a matter of fact, too much striving is the source of stress, which may create more stress and therefore more problems than solutions.

Right and wrong co-exist, so do the desirable and the undesirable. In life, embrace what is pleasant, well as what is unpleasant. Just as Sosan, the Zen scholar, said: "To separate what we like from what we dislike is the disease of the mind."

True love is loving without expectations. Love is never having to use someone to make you feel better. Remember, you are who you are, and you are good enough for the one you love.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau