Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart - Emotional Intelligence

All parents want their babies to develop and grow up smart. Smartness has much to do with the genes of the parents: that is, how much time they are willing to spend on cultivating an environment for their babies to grow and learn.

The following is taken from my book: Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart:

The first three years are critical to emotional intelligence and intellectual development that ultimately affect and shape the adult life of your baby.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the use of mental skills to understand, perceive, and explain certain human emotions and feelings in order to promote better thinking and to enhance greater cognitive activities. Most importantly, it helps an adult to manage his or her own emotions in a positive way—this is vital to living a happy life through better relationships and greater understanding of others.

Building emotional health and personal identity of your baby is the groundwork of his subsequent emotional intelligence.

Do give your baby the best first three years of his life. Do understand that your interactions with your baby define his expectations of the world, and shape his attitudes towards life in general.

According to famous psychologist Erik Erikson, trust holds the key to openness to new experiences, and new opportunities for leaning; your baby’s trust stems from being loved and nurtured, as well as feeling safe and secure, in the first few years of his life. Do give your baby that love and sense of security. Remember, you can never turn back the clock.

A baby’s feeling of trust is built upon good bonding between the baby and the parents. These are some of the dos and don’ts to build your baby’s trust:

Do establish direct physical contact: do make every effort to snuggle your baby as much and as often as possible. According to research studies, babies at age two, having had better bonding with their parents, demonstrate better social and problem-solving skills, as well as more creativity in their play.

Do spend time with your baby. One interesting study found that one common characteristic of all who did well in the Scholastic Aptitude Tests (SATs): they all ate dinner with their parents on a regular basis. If you must go to work, make sure that your spouse or the grandparents can spend some time with your baby.

Do learn to read and interpret your baby’s signals to communicate his needs to you, and respond appropriately. Do teach him sign language so that he can communicate with you even before he can speak.

Do meet all your baby’s needs. You can spoil a toddler or a child, but you can never spoil a baby. Secure emotions enhance the development of emotional intelligence in the brain. Do make every effort to meet his needs to help his brain develop his emotional intelligence at an early age.

Do create a stress-free environment for your baby. Don’t argue or fight in front of your baby. Stress increases your baby’s hormone cortisol, which can make your baby become anxious, impulsive, and hyperactive later on as he grows up.

Do provide affirmative messages to your baby. Before three years old, your baby will instinctively absorb all messages you send him, and will automatically internalize them in his subconscious mind. Repeat and repeat as often as possible affirmative messages, such as “You’re a smart kid” or “You’re super smart; you can do anything you want to.” Do make use of this timeframe to help him create a positive self-image. Don’t say any damaging remark no matter how frustrating you are with his behavior; he will remember your words for the rest of his life even though you may not mean what you say.

Do teach your two-year-old (known as “terrible two”) self-control; his personality may have become defiant and uncooperative because he is learning and struggling with his own self-control. Do respond with a clear and definitive “No!” followed by a calm explanation; this may help your child understand why he cannot always have his way. Don’t criticize or physically intervene his action while losing your temper; you may be cultivating his defiance towards authority figures.

Do teach your baby orderliness, which is putting things where they belong. For example, you can show your toddler where to put his toys or how to clean up after playtime. Orderliness will help him see how the world works later as he grows up. Your child needs to get the satisfaction from doing things himself, such as cleaning and tidying his room or playroom. Don’t spoil your child by doing everything yourself.   

Intellectual Development

You are the most important role model for your baby’s intellectual development. If you like to read, your child will learn to read at any early age.

My Own Reflection

Wanting my daughter to have the best intellectual development, I began teaching her how to read as early as she was eight months old. Surprisingly, she learned how to read as soon as she was thirty months old. Before long, she could read faster than I. My point is that any intellectual development has to be cultivated and nurtured. If you want your baby to be an early reader, spend time reading

Emotional intelligence is essentially awareness of one’s emotions and feelings, as well as those of others. Likewise, intellectual development in a baby is contingent on the parental awareness of the emotional development of the baby. Do become aware of your baby’s development, which is a reflection of his own emotional growth; the following usually occurs within the first year:

Your baby begins to show sensitivity to loud sounds and bright lights. Do hold and snuggle him more.

Your baby begins to recognize your voice and turn to make eye contact with you. Do look at your baby more often.

Your baby begins to develop his social smile. Do reward it with your warm smile.

Your baby begins to enjoy the company of other people. Do have people, such as grandparents, around your baby.

Your baby begins to imitate movements and facial expressions. Do make movements with your hands and fingers, as well as with your eyes and mouth.

Your baby begins to laugh when playing to express his pleasure. Do laugh while playing with your baby.

Your baby begins to raise his arms to be picked up. Do pick up your baby.

Your baby begins to complain when confined to his crib or playpen. Do let your baby out.

All of the above may develop in your baby before age-one. Do try to meet all your baby needs to comply with his emotional development, thereby instrumental in enhancing his intellectual development. 

 Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau