The Ingredients of My Recipe of My Living for Life

The “Complaint” Ingredient

How I deal with my complaints

In my daily life, I always try to catch myself complaining about anything, such as the weather—whether I am making a comment or just thinking a thought about the weather. By not complaining, I try to avoid putting my mind in a state of unconsciousness that often creates negative energy and denial of the present moment. When I am complaining, I am in fact saying: “I cannot accept what is, and I am a victim of the present situation.” Understandably, in the present moment, we all have only three options in any situation that we are complaining about: get away from the situation; change the situation; and accept the situation as it is.

If I want to take any action—whether it is getting away or changing the situation—I try my best to remove any negativity first and foremost.

If it is my decision to take no action, I honestly ask myself if it is fear that stands in my way of taking any action: I tell myself that any action is often better than no action. Staying in the present moment does the mental trick of controlling my thoughts: focusing my mind on the present moment, and looking objectively at the fear that may be holding me back from taking any action, without letting fear get into my subconscious mind to create any negativity.

If, after much deliberation, I still decide to take no action, then I accept it fully and consciously, with no regret and no “should have” or “might have” because the whole episode now belongs to the past and is no longer "real" for me. It is important for me not to experience any inner conflict, resistance, or negativity in the mental process of deciding to take no action.

The “Stress” Ingredient

How I deal with my stress

Stress is inevitable in contemporary living. My wife used to complain that I stressed her, and my spontaneous reply was: “If I don’t stress you, something or somebody would stress you. Just learn to cope with it!” Yes, everybody has to cope with stress, and not to deal with the stressor.

Awareness and concentration are important ingredients in mental clarity and relaxation to de-stress the mind.

The “Past” Ingredient

How I deal with my past

In my life, I have made many mistakes, which have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares?

I never let my past take up my attention. I do not let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. Like everybody else, I do have these negative feelings and emotions, but they do not last long. I believe that if I allow these thoughts of mine to control me, I would look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self. 

Reminiscing what was good in my past would only intensify my desire to repeat such an experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable longing that may never be fulfilled. To recall what was unpleasant in my past would generate my feelings of remorse and unhappiness. What is the use? I just let my bygones be my bygones. In my mind, there is no such thing as ”what if.”

The “Present” Ingredient

How I try to live in the NOW

To me, living in the present holds the key to stopping my mind from processing my past and my future thoughts, which is an instinctive and automatic output of my mental process.

The human mind is cruel and demanding, such that we easily become its slave, doing whatever it commands us to do without even being consciously aware of it. So, the only way to free myself from that invisible bondage is to live in the now, even though just for a short while. Living in the now changes my mind for the better. Living in the now is my mental state that cherishes my mental clarity, my loving compassion, my deep insight, and my internal peace; it is a strong tool for my mental self-control.

Yes, my mindfulness is my mental practice that can be performed anytime and anywhere. It is like my daily mini-meditation.

The “Future” Ingredient

How I stop myself from worrying about my future

To me, the solution to worrying is to stop identifying myself with my mind, which is forever projecting itself into the future, creating imaginary images of myself living in a nursing home, being totally disabled, and thus creating my imaginary fear. I have learned that the projected future is "unreal" because it does not exist. It is real only when it happens. I just have to learn to cope with the present moment, and not with the future—not before, and not after.

Waiting is a state of mind. I have learned to acknowledge my present reality—where I am, who I am, what I am doing with my life. 

The “Misfortune” Ingredient 

How I accept and embrace my tragedies

Misfortune is an ingredient that one needs to blend with the rest of the ingredients. My life will not be wholesome without my tragedies, which enable me to appreciate more what my life has to offer.

The “Right Conduct” Ingredient 

How I try to do all the right and righteous things

I believe that the art of living well is no more than acting in the right way and living in the right way. Right conduct is tantamount to asking the question: “How should one live in the right and righteous way?”—the question asked by many ancient Western philosophers, such as Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. There is no definitive answer.

The “Failure” Ingredient

How I deal with my failures in my life

The path of living is strewn with many failures, big and small. But they should not become the stumbling blocks in any life journey. Like everybody else, I have met my many failures: I failed as an antique shop owner when I set up my retail business, and as an entrepreneur when I bought a franchised cleaning business.

I look upon all my past failures with positive attributes: a lesson of humility to show my own limitation and inadequacy; a lesson that I may never get what I want in my life; a lesson to strengthen my character as a human being; a lesson to learn about perseverance and survival from my failures.

If I had succeeded in all my past endeavors, I would have embarked on a totally different life journey heading towards a totally different direction. Would I really have been better off or worse off? Who knows, and who cares? I never ponder on the “might have” or the “would have” scenarios.

The “Life Purpose” Ingredient 

How I look at my external and internal life purpose

I understand that life must have a purpose, or, more specifically, an external as well as an internal purpose.

I realize that in life setting a purpose is important, but not so important that it drives you crazy in pursuing it or giving it up altogether. As a matter of fact, my external purpose only sets me a direction for the destination of my life. In that direction, there are many different signposts guiding me along the way. Arriving at one signpost simply means that I have accomplished one task; missing that signpost means that I am still on the right path but simply taking maybe a detour or just longer time because of misdirection or getting lost on the way. 

My internal purpose is more important: it has nothing to do with arriving at my destination, but to do with the "quality" of my consciousness—what I am doing along the way.

That Jesus said: “gain the world and lose your soul” probably said everything there is to say about the internal purpose of life for any individual.

No matter what you do in your life, just do your very best and do it well, no matter how insignificant they may be.  I always tell myself to try doing everything as if God had called upon me at that particular moment to do it. Of course, admittedly, it is not always that easy, given that the human mind may be troubled by the ego-self, by invasive and unwanted thoughts from the past or by projections of those thoughts into the future. But having the mindset with the right intention is already the first step or breakthrough for me.

I understand that I have three options in whatever I have been called to do: do it; not to do it; and do it while enjoying the present moment of doing it. 

The “Death” Ingredient 

How I look at my death

I am now closer to the end rather than to the beginning of my lifespan. The thought of dying and death has become more and more real with each day passing. I have come to believe that most elderly people have similar experience. If I could ask but one question about the future, it would be: “How am I going to die?” and not “When am I going to die?”

I wouldn’t want to know about the when. To me, time is not a big factor. My desire to know the “how” is just out of plain curiosity. Anyway, they are just hypothetical questions without any answer.

In life, we all ask many different questions, some of which are practical, some hypothetical, and some without an answer. To many, living is a search for an answer to many of the unanswerable questions in life.

So, stop looking for an answer to every question asked, but continue to ask, and just live if there were no tomorrow.

Stephen Lau

Author, The Book of Life and Living

Books by Stephen Lau