Toys for Your Smart Baby

Do buy toys that require imagination. Don’t buy toys that rely solely on batteries. Do buy toys that stimulate different senses of your baby, such as seeing, hearing, and touching.

Do buy toys that focus on role-play, letting you say: “I’ll be your Mom (or Dad), and you’ll be the baby.” Role-play not only enhances your baby’s awareness of his role in the world around but also develops his own creativity. Do have unstructured playtime with your baby: this develops your baby’s language and prolongs your baby’s attention span, which is critical to learning. Do engage in many role-playing games, such as “let’s pretend.”

Do introduce to your baby one or two new toys at a time. Don’t overwhelm your baby with too many new toys. Do allow your baby to explore new toys while having access to familiar objects. Do make your baby feel secure.

Do engage in creative play activities with your baby all the time.

1 to 3 Months

Rattles, stuffed toys, unbreakable mirrors, music boxes, large rings, books with high-contrast pictures should be attached to the crib or the activity center of your baby. They should be in black and white, or with brightly colored patterns. Use these toys to engage your baby’s attention and stimulation.

4 to 6 Months

Squeaky toys, building blocks, beach balls, books made of cloth are some of the popular baby toys at this age. Play peekaboo with your baby as often as possible.

7 to 9 Months

Get your baby some stuffed animals, large balls, pop-up toys, stacking blocks and toys, dolls and puppets, and squeeze toys. Play patty-cake with your baby.

10 to 12 Months

By this time, your baby may need push-and-pull toys, such as miniature cars. Be creative, and give your baby some ordinary household objects, such as empty egg cartons, bath toys, or old magazines. Play simple ball games with your baby.

One-year-old and beyond

There are many different types of toys to suit the personality of your baby: toy telephones, simple musical instruments, toys to take apart and put back together, easy jigsaw puzzles, large crayons and markers, shape sorters, finger paints, and action toys, such as fire engines. Play more outdoor games with your baby.

Many experts believe that computers can enhance cognitive development only in five-year-olds and beyond. For under-three-year-old babies, do use your discretion to determine your baby’s exposure time to the computer.

The bottom line: do keep it fun; and do take a brief walk after your baby has learned something new because the neural connections formed in your baby’s brain needs time for more reinforcement before he can process more new information.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Importance of Money Wisdom

You are living in a world wanting wisdom. The majority of people experience the lack and not the abundance, while only a small number of people feel both the affluence and the wealth. Surviving and navigating in this world of money disparity require profound wisdom—the perspectives of human wisdom, Biblical wisdom, and the TAO wisdom from ancient China.

So, always ask yourself many questions regarding your money wisdom, given that money always plays a pivotal role in this world of both abundance and lack.

Charles Proteus Steinmetz, a German-born American mathematician and electrical engineer, once said: “There are no foolish questions and no one becomes a fool until he has stopped asking questions.”

So, continue your life journey asking yourself many self-intuitive questions with respect to your money wisdom. The spirit of wisdom demands you to ask as many questions as possible on how you view the world today based on your past and present life experiences. Your money wisdom is your individual need to think more about your money. Do not bury your head in the sand! Just be wise on all your money matters!

Asking-questions-and-seeking-answers may give you your money wisdom. Your own life experiences are often responsible for your judgmental attitudes, your bias prejudices, and your assumptive presumptions—they may prevent you from knowing your real self, as well as from separating the truths from the half-truths or the myths about your money wisdom.

The truth of the matter is that your money wisdom is all based on your own perceptions and interpretations of your life experiences. That is why your money wisdom is uniquely yours.

Your money journey in this world is forever filled with missteps and detours, irrespective of your abundance or lack. Even if it may seem to be a bed of roses to you because of your abundance, it is always filled with some thorns. So, you need your spiritual wisdom to give you hope and guidance on your money journey.

To attain that spiritual wisdom, you need your faith—which is your trust and obedience to your Creator. According to Saint Augustine, faith is to believe in what you do not see, and you will then see what you believe. So, if you believe in your money wisdom, you will then see your security in every aspect of your life, whether you have abundance or lack..

To apply your money wisdom in the material world you are living in, you need the wisdom of the TAO—which is the humility to detach yourself from all attachments that you think define who you are. With no ego, you may then become self-enlightened: perceiving the “nothingness” of all things, as well as self-intuiting your “connectedness” to anything and everyone in the world. So, you are in balance and harmony with anyone and everyone, and you are no longer at war within yourself with your fear of insecurity—that is ultimately your money wisdom.

Click here to ge your paperback, and click here to get your ebook.

NORA WISE

Copyright © Nora Wise

Anger and Depression

Anger

Anger or rage is an ineffective and inefficient way to resolve any issue or make any problem go away. It is a negative emotion that may lead to depression, if it is not properly addressed.

An illustration

Donna Alexander, the creator of the “Anger Room” in Chicago, first thought of the idea as a teenager living in Chicago. Having witnessed much domestic violence and many conflicts at school as a teenager, Donna Alexander finally decided to create a space where anyone can lash out without serious consequences. While at the “Anger Room,” the guests, after paying a fee, are given a safe space to unleash their anger and rage by smashing and destroying objects, such as glasses or even a TV. In addition, the room can also be set up to look like an office or a kitchen, where anger often becomes totally uncontrollable.

Thinking questions

Can you really hold off your anger until after you have checked in at the “Anger Room”?

If you are so accustomed to smashing and destroying many objects at the “Anger Room,” could you still restrain yourself from doing the same when your anger is sudden and unmanageable in the office or the kitchen?

                                                     

The reality

As much as 50 percent of human diseases may be psychosomatic. Therefore, it is not an overstatement that the mind and diseases are interconnected.

Dr. Caroline B. Thomas, M.D., of John Hopkins School of Medicine, discovered that cancer patients often had a prior poor relationship with their parents, attesting to the pivotal role of emotions in the development of cancer. In another study by Dr. Richard B. Shekelle of the University of Texas School of Medicine, it was found that depression patients were not only more cancer prone but also more likely to die of cancer than the other patients. If emotions play a pivotal role in cancer, by the same token, negative emotions may also adversely affect the symptoms or the prognosis of any human disease. Thoughts of anger, despair, discontent, frustration, guilt, or resentment are instrumental in depressing the physiological processes, including the human body’s immune response—a formula for promoting the development of an autoimmune disease.

According to other studies, strong negative emotions, such as anger, can create destructive mental energy that is health damaging. However, it must be pointed out that it is more damaging in not experiencing raging anger, or not wanting to experience it than in actually experiencing it. The former may cause diseases, or trigger a depression.

Conventional wisdom

Conventional wisdom is to use distraction to defuse and dissipate the sudden anger or rage.

Thomas Jefferson famously said, "When angry, count 10, before you speak; if very angry, 100." 

TAO wisdom

According to TAO, the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, take a deep breath, review the situation, and ask yourself one simple question: what is the original purpose of driving your car—to get to your destination, or to get angry?

Don’t hold your anger in; instead, let it go, by breathing it out. Don’t let it go as pain; instead, let it go as your acceptance. Your acceptance should be viewed not as a sign of your own weakness but as a statement of your own communication to yourself that getting to your destination is much more important than getting angry.

Remember, anger is always present to serve a purpose to release some deeper issues, problems, and internal conflicts that you may be carrying in your own bag and baggage all these years. It is always better to release anger than to turn it around to destroy yourself. Suppressing anger, on the other hand, is also self destructive, as the negative energy redirects itself back into your own body. Anger in itself is a path of destruction. Resolve anger by developing habits that may release internal conflicts in a constructive manner before it can be released as rage.

Remember, the world always reflects your actions. If you lash out in rage, then the world lashes back at you with that same rage causing pain or grief that still has to get resolved. There is no true “release” of anger, except by resolution.

TAO teaches that peace is the true warrior’s path. The sword while an option is never used with anger, or you may have lost from the start. According to Lao Tzu, “The best fighter is never becoming angry.”

Learn to do the following when you become angry:

Take a deep diaphragm breath (See Appendix B), and just feel it.

Just look at your anger in your mind.

Accept that you are now angry, and then slowly release your anger as you breathe it out.

If necessary, use your arm like a sword to sweep away your anger and cut through your feelings of anger, while saying: “I can see my anger: it is as it was.”

Subconsciously, we all exert a great deal of mental energy to hold on to the past, which is no more than what we think happened. In the now, what happened in the past is just a memory, and no longer there; all memories are no longer truths, but at best only guidelines for the future. That is to say, your anger is as it was. Just learn to release your anger over any issue. Anger on its own has no power at all, except the power you give it to make it real to you.

The bottom line: anger is often caused by an inflated ego that one has to be right about an issue; without an ego, nothing can anger or trouble you. Seek only your internal balance and harmony.

“We do not become aggressive when we are confronted.

We do not become angry when we are provoked.

We see neither an enemy nor a competitor,

because we do not seek our own way.

Knowing both our strengths and weaknesses,

we use them to complement one another.

Thus, we find balance and harmony.

Naturally and easily, we follow the Way.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 68)

Just do not let your anger depress you!

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Live Your Life with TAO Wisdom

Live Your Life with TAO Wisdom

Being a parent, especially for the first time, can be very stressful. Learn to live your life with TAO wisdom, the ancient wisdom from China more than 2,600 years ago.

Don't look elsewhere! TAO wisdom is internal wisdom; it is already inside each and every one of us!

TAO wisdom is the profound wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient Chinese sage who was the author of the immortal classic Tao Te Ching, which is one of the most widely translated works in world literature, perhaps only second to the Bible.

So, what is TAO wisdom? Tao is also known as the Way—the way or direction to understanding true wisdom, whether it is human or spiritual wisdom.

Look no further! TAO wisdom is inside you. You need not look any further because it is right inside you! Ironically enough, it is not easy to find the Way: we tend to look to others or outside of ourselves in quest of that far-fetched and forever elusive wisdom.

There was the story of a beggar who asked a stranger for money. The stranger said he had no money to give him, and asked the beggar if he would look elsewhere for money, including the box he was sitting on. The beggar said he had been sitting on that box for years but he had never looked inside it. The stranger urged him to look inside the box. Reluctantly, he did. To his amazement, he found the box was filled with gold coins.

Yes, TAO wisdom is inside each and every one of us! But you have to look, just like the beggar did in the story!

Unlike conventional wisdom, which is external, focusing on the acquisition of knowledge, TAO wisdom, on the other hand, is internal. According to conventional wisdom, knowledge is empowering; the more knowledgeable you are, the wiser you become. The ancient wisdom of Tao is quite the opposite: the more you know, paradoxically, the less wisdom you may have. As a matter of fact, there was the story of a professor seeking the wisdom of Zen (originated from Tao) from a Zen master who kept on pouring tea into the already filled-to-the-brim teacup of the professor. Later on, the Zen master told the professor that in order to fully understand the wisdom of Zen or the Way, he must, first of all, empty all his preconceived ideas of Zen, that is, he must have an empty mind to be receptive of the wisdom. Hence, to fully understand Tao, one must preempt one's mind of any knowledge. 

Accordingly, following the teachings of others, looking for role models to imitate, and making extra efforts—all recommended by conventional wisdom—they will not work for the ancient wisdom of Lao Tzu. In TAO wisdom, you just look inside yourself because the internal wisdom is based on intuition of, insight into, and internalizing of your own experiences in life. It is "your" life and "your" own experiences that are uniquely yours. Looking for external sources does not help, and nobody can tell you how you should live your life. Only you have access to your life's blueprint, which is the essence of Tao wisdom in living.

The Book of Life and Living is an explanation of ancient wisdom, contemporary wisdom, and spiritual wisdom illustrated with concrete everyday examples. Create your own recipe for wisdom in living. 

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

My INGREDIENTS of My RECIPE OF MY LIVING FOR LIFE

The “Complaint” Ingredient

How I deal with my complaints

In my daily life, I always try to catch myself complaining about anything, such as the weather—whether I am making a comment or just thinking a thought about the weather. By not complaining, I try to avoid putting my mind in a state of unconsciousness that often creates negative energy and denial of the present moment. When I am complaining, I am in fact saying: “I cannot accept what is, and I am a victim of the present situation.” Understandably, in the present moment, we all have only three options in any situation that we are complaining about: get away from the situation; change the situation;  and accept the situation as it is.

If I want to take any action—whether it is getting away or changing the situation—I try my best to remove any negativity first and foremost.

If it is my decision to take no action, I honestly ask myself if it is fear that stands in my way of taking any action: I tell myself that any action is often better than no action. Staying in the present moment does the mental trick of controlling my thoughts: focusing my mind on the present moment, and looking objectively at the fear that may be holding me back from taking any action, without letting fear get into my subconscious mind to create any negativity.

If, after much deliberation, I still decide to take no action, then I accept it fully and consciously, with no regret and no “should have” or “might have” because the whole episode now belongs to the past and is no longer "real" for me. It is important for me not to experience any inner conflict, resistance, or negativity in the mental process of deciding to take no action.

The “Stress” Ingredient

How I deal with my stress

Stress is inevitable in contemporary living. My wife used to complain that I stressed her, and my spontaneous reply was: “If I don’t stress you, something or somebody would stress you. Just learn to cope with it!” Yes, everybody has to cope with stress, and not to deal with the stressor.

Awareness and concentration are important ingredients in mental clarity and relaxation to de-stress the mind.

The “Past” Ingredient

How I deal with my past

In my life, I have made many mistakes, which have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares?

I never let my past take up my attention. I do not let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. Like everybody else, I do have these negative feelings and emotions, but they do not last long. I believe that if I allow these thoughts of mine to control me, I would look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self. 

Reminiscing what was good in my past would only intensify my desire to repeat such an experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable longing that may never be fulfilled. To recall what was unpleasant in my past would generate my feelings of remorse and unhappiness. What is the use? I just let my bygones be my bygones. In my mind, there is no such thing as ”what if.”

The “Present” Ingredient

How I try to live in the NOW

To me, living in the present holds the key to stopping my mind from processing my past and my future thoughts, which is an instinctive and automatic output of my mental process.

The human mind is cruel and demanding, such that we easily become its slave, doing whatever it commands us to do without even being consciously aware of it. So, the only way to free myself from that invisible bondage is to live in the now, even though just for a short while. Living in the now changes my mind for the better. Living in the now is my mental state that cherishes my mental clarity, my loving compassion, my deep insight, and my internal peace; it is a strong tool for my mental self-control.

Yes, my mindfulness is my mental practice that can be performed anytime and anywhere. It is like my daily mini-meditation.

The “Future” Ingredient

How I stop myself from worrying about my future

To me, the solution to worrying is to stop identifying myself with my mind, which is forever projecting itself into the future, creating imaginary images of myself living in a nursing home, being totally disabled, and thus creating my imaginary fear. I have learned that the projected future is "unreal" because it does not exist. It is real only when it happens. I just have to learn to cope with the present moment, and not with the future—not before, and not after.

Waiting is a state of mind. I have learned to acknowledge my present reality—where I am, who I am, what I am doing with my life. 

The “Misfortune” Ingredient 

How I accept and embrace my tragedies

Misfortune is an ingredient that one needs to blend with the rest of the ingredients. My life will not be wholesome without my tragedies, which enable me to appreciate more what my life has to offer.

The “Right Conduct” Ingredient 

How I try to do all the right and righteous things

I believe that the art of living well is no more than acting in the right way and living in the right way. Right conduct is tantamount to asking the question: “How should one live in the right and righteous way?”—the question asked by many ancient Western philosophers, such as Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. There is no definitive answer.

The “Failure” Ingredient

How I deal with my failures in my life

The path of living is strewn with many failures, big and small. But they should not become the stumbling blocks in any life journey. Like everybody else, I have met my many failures: I failed as an antique shop owner when I set up my retail business, and as an entrepreneur when I bought a franchised cleaning business.

I look upon all my past failures with positive attributes: a lesson of humility to show my own limitation and inadequacy; a lesson that I may never get what I want in my life; a lesson to strengthen my character as a human being; a lesson to learn about perseverance and survival from my failures.

If I had succeeded in all my past endeavors, I would have embarked on a totally different life journey heading towards a totally different direction. Would I really have been better off or worse off? Who knows, and who cares? I never ponder on the “might have” or the “would have” scenarios.

The “Life Purpose” Ingredient 

How I look at my external and internal life purpose

I understand that life must have a purpose, or, more specifically, an external as well as an internal purpose.

I realize that in life setting a purpose is important, but not so important that it drives you crazy in pursuing it or giving it up altogether. As a matter of fact, my external purpose only sets me a direction for the destination of my life. In that direction, there are many different signposts guiding me along the way. Arriving at one signpost simply means that I have accomplished one task; missing that signpost means that I am still on the right path but simply taking maybe a detour or just longer time because of misdirection or getting lost on the way. 

My internal purpose is more important: it has nothing to do with arriving at my destination, but to do with the "quality" of my consciousness—what I am doing along the way.

That Jesus said: “gain the world and lose your soul” probably said everything there is to say about the internal purpose of life for any individual.

No matter what you do in your life, just do your very best and do it well, no matter how insignificant they may be.  I always tell myself to try doing everything as if God had called upon me at that particular moment to do it. Of course, admittedly, it is not always that easy, given that the human mind may be troubled by the ego-self, by invasive and unwanted thoughts from the past or by projections of those thoughts into the future. But having the mindset with the right intention is already the first step or breakthrough for me.

I understand that I have three options in whatever I have been called to do: do it; not to do it; and do it while enjoying the present moment of doing it. 

The “Death” Ingredient 

How I look at my death

I am now closer to the end rather than to the beginning of my lifespan. The thought of dying and death has become more and more real with each day passing. I have come to believe that most elderly people have similar experience. If I could ask but one question about the future, it would be: “How am I going to die?” and not “When am I going to die?”

I wouldn’t want to know about the when. To me, time is not a big factor. My desire to know the “how” is just out of plain curiosity. Anyway, they are just hypothetical questions without any answer.

In life, we all ask many different questions, some of which are practical, some hypothetical, and some without an answer. To many, living is a search for an answer to many of the unanswerable questions in life.

So, stop looking for an answer to every question asked, but continue to ask, and just live if there were no tomorrow.

Stephen Lau

Author, The Book of Life and Living

Books by Stephen Lau

 

Living Your Life

                     In your life, there're different ways of living, and here're two          examples:

      Living by Wants

      Many live according to what they want in life. Wants can come from basic needs, such as food, clothing, and shelter, or from other things desired in life, such as comfort, health, love, pleasures, success, wealth, and many other things in daily life.

     Yes, in life and living, there’re many wants, including the following: wanting alcohol may result in AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder); wanting gambling can happen to anyone from any walk of life, due to the fun that often turns into an unhealthy obsession with many serious financial and relationship consequences; wanting sex can lead to pornography, adultery, infidelity, and extra-marital affairs; wanting money can cause greed and attachments to material things; wanting hobbies can make life more interesting, such as dancing, drawing, and singing; wanting sports can increase physical and mental skills in competitive sports, such as football and soccer, while wanting non-competitive sports, such as running and swimming, can be exercises for physical health; wanting success in any endeavor, such as careers and businesses, love and relationships, health and healing, can set goals and objectives in life and living.

     But living by wants requires the means, that is, the money or the earnings to make a living, without which it’s impossible to get the wants. Unfortunately, many even without their means yet demand their wants, and thus ending up in crimes, such as stealing and robbing.

 

Living by Personality

 

     An ego is self-identity. Many may have an inflated ego that gives them a distinguished personality to live by. They believe they’re not only much better but also totally different from others. Accordingly, others must succumb to their demands and desires. They’ve become so self-centered that they’ll continuously inflate their own ego with higher expectations while controlling and demanding others to do what they want them to do for them.

 

An Illustration

 

     Donald Trump, with little discipline in childhood and adolescence, came from a wealthy family with high expectations. He began his own business in hotels and casinos. Unfortunately, he was labeled “public laughingstock” due to his repeated business failures in several of his different tumultuous business careers. But, with his self-inflated egoistic personality, Donald Trump was still able to give the public “delusional” perception of his high-flying success in real estate. He even started the Trump University, but that only ended up in many lawsuits. The bankruptcy protection in the United States saved Donald Trump from his own bankruptcy caused by all his business failures.

      Donald Trump’s ego-self turned around sharply and suddenly when he was elected the 45^th President of the United States. With that great boost to his already self-inflated ego, he thought he could do just about anything to control everyone and everything around him. But his inflated ego was severely compromised when he “unexpectedly” lost his second-term presidency that led to many allegations of his conspiracy, insurrection, and plot to illegally hold onto power to sustain his inflated ego.

 

     On the other side of those with an inflated ego are those living with a deflated ego. They often feel inadequate, incompetent, insecure, and even unloved. Their perceived low self-esteem often originates from an unhappy childhood with extremely critical and demanding parents, as well as from their own ongoing life events, such as career and relationship failures and problems.

 

An illustration

 

     Paris Hilton is the great-granddaughter of the founder of the famous Hilton Hotels. Being given the nickname of “Star” by her mother and grandmother, and growing up in fame and prestige, she began her modeling career at any early age. Due to her own demand for celebrity status and media attention, Paris also began her other careers in books, music, and screen appearances. Her book “Confessions of An Heiress” was on the New York Times’s bestseller list; her role in the film “The House of Wax” earned her The Teen Choices Award.

     But Paris Hilton always thought that she was “less successful” than others. Her “deflated ego” and her envy of those who were “more successful” than she was led to her continual pursuit in music and television shows, such as “The World According to Paris,” and “Hollywood Love Story.” Feeling being a mediocre, she was always envious of those who she thought were more successful than herself. Throughout her different careers, she was haunted by the sin of pride and the sin of envy. The Guinness World Record in 2007 named Paris Hilton “the most overrated celebrity.” According to the media, she was “the worst actress of the decade.”

 

The Bottom Line

 

     Living by faith, you live with humility and not pride if you’ve an inflated ego; you live with simplicity to give you confidence, hope, and strength if you’ve a deflated ego.

     Living by faith, you believe that God has given you your true self destined by Him to live a life of humility and simplicity.

 

Living By Faith shows you how to live your life in this material world with real-life examples.

 

Stephen Lau

        

 

Repetitions and Stimulations for Your Smart Baby

Repetitions and Stimulations

Thomas Edison rightfully said: “Genius is one percent inspiration, and 99 percent perspiration.”

This applies to both the baby and the parents. Perspiration means effort and endeavor, both of which involve consistent and considerable time consumption. Do spend time with your baby if you want him to be smart. If you are the parents who wish your baby to become a super baby—not necessarily a genius or prodigy someday—there are many things you have to do, as well as many things you shouldn’t do.

Use of Repetitions

Do repeat and repeat. Repetitions strengthen the neural pathways in your baby’s brain. Do any activity with your baby again and yet again. Do encourage your baby to repeat his activities again and yet again.

Don’t stop an activity just because your baby has already acquired the skills or learned how to do it. Repeat it not only to reinforce it but also to improve his memory skills. 

Don’t get bored yourself. Instead, do observe the subtle differences in the repetitions of those activities to better understand how your baby has managed and mastered those memory skills.

Use of Stimulations

Do give your baby stimulations as many and as often as possible. Any physical stimulation enhances brain cells and motor skills development in your baby.

Do stimulate your baby’s auditory sensations. Do speak in different tones: whispering and shouting (of course, don’t frighten your baby).

Do articulate your words slowly, syllable by syllable. Do sing to your baby, even creating your own words and rhythms.

Do touch your baby as often as possible, especially his fingers and toes.

Do create movements: exaggerated facial expressions; clapping hands; and even jumping up and down.

Do vary your stimulations, the types, as well as the duration.

Do encourage your baby to respond to your different stimulations. If he makes noises, let him. If he smiles, repeat it.

The bottom line: don’t let your baby get bored; but don’t over-stimulate your baby (no more than 5 minutes each time). 

Stephen Lau      

Copyright© by Stephen Lau