How to Pray

How to Pray

Praying is never easy: often complicated, and even paradoxical.

You’ve got to know what you want so that you can ask what you want in order to get what you want.

So, before you pray, you must know your true self: who and what you really are, and not who and what you wish you were.

Praying is talking to God through your heart, and not your words; repeating a right set of words isn’t as important as your heart talking to Him.

Prayer is God’s gift to anyone who prays for that free gift.

So, to pray for that free gift, you must show your desire to feel God’s presence, which is in anyone and everyone, as well as in anything and everything.

Several decades ago, a former colleague of mine had the opportunity to meet and dine with Gladys Aylward, a British missionary to China, whose amazing story was made into a Hollywood film in 1958: “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness”, starring Ingrid Bergman.

My former colleague told me that at the dinner with Gladys she found it very “odd” that Gladys had repeated almost non-stop “Praise the Lord!” throughout the dinner—when someone passed her a dish, some bread, even salt and pepper, or when someone made a comment. It might not have looked “odd” to someone who’d like to feel the presence of God in every moment of his or her life.

So, from now on, whenever you say “Thank you” aloud, maybe you should also try to say in silence “Praise the Lord!” so that you may feel His presence in your heart.

To feel His omnipresence,  you must also still your thoughts with mindfulness, and live in the now.

Prayer is how you react and respond to His presence in your daily life.

Always begin your prayer with God, and not yourself.

Asking for your needs is self-delusional: God already knows your needs.

Asking for your wants is self-sabotaging: trying to make God change His mind about what He has already wanted for you.

So, don’t pray for “be happy”, “be healthy”, and “be wealthy.”

If you’re blessed with His presence, you’ll still feel your happiness even in your adversities. Depression is humans’ refusal of letting go to receive His presence.

If you’re blessed with His wisdom, you’ll know how to take care of your body, even when you’re sick.

If  you’re blessed  with His grace,  you’ll learn

to let go of your greed and covetousness for your wealth.

Always pray for your trust and obedience: trust that God will give you the power to “respond positively” to any life challenge you may face; obedience that God will give you the wisdom to embrace anything and every-thing to let go of your control of your own destiny.

Remember, your prayers are always answered, but not your own expectations.

The TAO wisdom (the ancient wisdom from China, based on the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the author of the ancient classic TAO Te Ching) shows you how to live your daily life, and how your prayers may be answered.

“An empty mind with no craving and no expectation helps us letting go.

Being in the world and not of the world, we attain heavenly grace.

With heavenly grace, we become pure and selfless.

And everything settles into its own perfect place.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 3) 

Li Ching-Yuan was probably the longest-living Chinese in history, who died on May 6, 1933 at the age of over 200 years.

This is one of his thought-provoking sayings regarding Zen, an Eastern philosophy about being and a way of thinking:

“Before I had studied Zen for thirty years,

I saw mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.

When I arrived with a more intimate knowledge,

I saw that mountains are not mountains,

and waters are not waters.

But now that I have got its very substance,

I am at rest.

For it is just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters.”

Li Ching-Yuan

Li Ching-Yuan was talking about awakening or self-enlightenment, which is always effortless and spontaneous. So, if you strive to know and understand anything and everything, the awakening may never come.

You may like to pray, but your prayers are seldom answered; then you’ll see “mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.”

Your desire in seeking God may somehow change your perspectives; then you may see “mountains are not mountains, and waters are not waters.”

But finding God, and living in His presence, you’ll just see that “mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters”—in other words, “prayers are seldom answered or not answered at all” is not only irrelevant but also inexplicable. What really matters is that you’ve found the spiritual wisdom to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

So, don’t use your pre-programmed causal reasoning to make sense out of the senseless in life. Instead, express your trust and obedience to your Creator and fully live in His presence.

Click here to get Why Prayers Are Seldom Answered.

Click here to get The Complete Tao Te Ching in Plain English.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

The Meaning of "Prayers Not Answered"

The Meaning of “Prayers Not Answered”

Prayers not answered” simply means “expectations not fulfilled.”

But what’re your “expectations”? And where do they come from?

You experience your own life experiences through your five senses (seeing, hearing, tasting, touching and smelling) as a result of the choices of your actions, inactions, and reactions in your everyday life.

Your sensations often become your own perceptions, which then form your own assumptions and predictions; for example, a good education will lead to a successful career, and bring about a happy relationship.

All your “expectations” are only the personal and the subjective perceptions of your mind. But your “expectations” are often unreal and even self-delusive.

Even what you think you see with your own eyes may not necessarily be the reality.

To illustrate, in 1997, Richard Alexander from Indiana was convicted as a serial rapist, because one of the victims and her fiancé insisted that he was the perpetrator based on what the victim and her fiancé claimed that “they saw with their own eyes.”

But the convicted man was later exonerated and subsequently released in 2001, based on the new DNA science and other forensic evidence. Experts explained that a traumatic emotional experience, such as a rape, could “distort” the perception of an individual. That explains why the woman and her fiancé “swore” that Richard Alexander was the rapist, but evidently he wasn’t.

To illustrate “unreal expectations”: Helen Keller, celebrated author, political activist, and philanthropist, was the first deaf-blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree; she became deaf and blind at an early age of less than two.

Imagine you were Helen’s parents: would you have “darkened expectations” of the future of Helen when she suddenly became deaf and blind?

Another illustration of “unreal expectations”: Shon Robert Hopwood, a young American convicted of bank robbery and sentenced to prison, became well-known as a jailhouse lawyer. While serving time in prison, Shon started spending time in the law library, became a jailhouse lawyer for the inmates, and ultimately a very accomplished United States Supreme Court practitioner by the time he left prison in 2009. Currently, he is professor of law at Georgetown University Law Center.

If you were the parents of Shon, would your own expectations of your son have fallen short after his conviction of 12 years of imprisonment?

The truth of the matter

Your perceptions—whether true or untrue—become your realities, and are then stored in your subconscious mind as your memories.

Whenever you want to make a choice or decision, it’s your subconscious mind that provides your conscious mind with your many attitudes, beliefs, and predictions—all based on your memories of your past experiences. Your thinking mind then begins to process and project them into the future as your “expectations to be fulfilled.”

Points to Remember

Perceptions may easily become distorted and unreal. So, don’t let your own perceptions become your assumptive predictions.

Expectations are in the future, and their timeline is indefinite. So, don’t jump to any conclusion yet.

The past was gone; the future is yet to come; only the present is real. So, don’t use the past to predict the future as “expectations to be fulfilled.”

Click here to get Why Prayers Are Seldom Answered.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

Knowing Your Baby

To be a smart parent, you need to know your baby. Knowing your baby will help you make your baby smarter.

Observing and Bonding

Your baby grows incredibly fast. Observing your baby’s unique personality development is critically important. In general, babies may be grouped into three types: the easy, the slow, and the difficult.

If your baby is “easy,” congratulations! You must have done an excellent job throughout your pregnancy. If your baby happens to be “slow” or even “difficult,” don’t get disheartened; you just need more energy and effort to help your baby turn around to live up to his fullest potentials and to reach his personal best.

How do you know which classification your baby may fall into during the first few weeks?

For one thing, there are no hard-and-fast rules governing each classification. Just do your best to observe your baby’s behavior, personality, and temperament.

Types of Baby

Easy Babies

Easy babies usually eat and sleep well, and they are generally very responsive to your attention and the environment. In addition, they do not cry that often, and are less irritable.

Slow Babies

Slow babies take time to warm up, as well as to respond to your attention and the environment. They generally smile less often, and require a stronger stimulus or greater attention.

Difficult Babies

Difficult babies cry a lot during their sleep. They fuss a great deal during their waking time; they scream and struggle, and are more difficult to be comforted.

Which type does your baby fall into? Pay attention to how your baby eats and sleeps, how your baby moves his arms and legs, how your baby reacts to the environment with different sounds. Be very observant of your baby’s unique behavior and personality development.

Does your baby react strongly and quickly to different sounds?

Is your baby eager to touch, grasp, and mouth anything within his reach?

Is your baby easily contented?

Is your baby moving a lot?

Does your baby easily become restless during sleep?

Does your baby easily become accustomed to any new stimulus?

Finding answers to the above questions may help you know the personality of your baby. For example, if you ring a bell, and your baby easily becomes accustomed to the sound of a bell—that is, without becoming startled or turning his head; that means your baby has the capability to “block out” the distraction and to concentrate on something new or specific. This is often a positive sign of early cognitive development.

Remember, nothing is set in stone: you can always help your baby grow out of any type.     

Accepting and Appreciating

No matter what type your baby may fall into, it is your baby. Develop a gently loving approach to understand, accept, and appreciate your baby’s behavior, capability, personality, and temperament. Remember, you can always improve his personality and temperament. Appreciate your baby’s uniqueness is important to his personality growth. The bonding between the baby and the parents plays a pivotal role in the baby’s own physical and mental development. This relationship is the groundwork for the baby’s learning experience, as well as the baby’s individual personality traits and abilities. If you want your baby to become super smart, always enhance this bonding and relationship.

Remember the following:

Always create a nurturing environment in which your baby can grow cognitively.

Learn to relax if your baby is too demanding; try to take a nap while your baby is sleeping.

Learn to smile when approaching your screaming baby. Remember, your baby may be as miserable as you are, and he is there not to annoy you.

Accept a difficult baby: things will change for the better sooner or later.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Develop Your Child's Thinking Mind to Read and Speak

You can start teaching your child to read by developing his or her thinking mind.

At the beginning of the eighth month or so, your child should be able to act on an object to create a given effect, such as making a sound. Your child is beginning to understand the relationship between cause and effect. Show your child how a certain action will create a certain expected result. It should be apparent that your child expects the effect and that the effect is the main motive for his or her action.

Show your child how he or she can overcome an obstacle to get what he or she wants by thinking.

Activities and Games

Acquiring an object by overcoming an obstacle

Show your child how he or she can reach a toy by moving around an object, such as climbing under or moving around a table.

Acquiring an object with the aid of tools

Show your child how he or she can acquire an object by pulling one end of a piece of string or cloth. Your child should be taught and trained to use his or her thinking to get what he or she wants.

Developing the thinking mind is one of the first steps towards learning how to read and speak.

Pointing at Things

Your child may also begin the development of recognition of objects at about the eighth or ninth month. Your child may well be making unintelligible sounds as he or she does so, as if actually naming these objects. If your child turns his or her head and eyes to the object you have just named, your child may have indeed formed an association between the word and the object; in other words, your child is beginning to understand the meaning of words. That is the beginning of passive speech, which is clearly an indication that your child is ready to respond appropriately to words.

Show your child that everything has a name, and name every object that your child meets. By the age of six months or so, you can be labeling your child’s everyday items for him or her, such as “Here is your bottle!” and “This is your napkin!” Give your child a period of familiarizing play with them, for example, making a spoon disappear or throwing it about. Use all everyday situations, such as feeding, bathing, and dressing, to increase your child’s passive vocabulary, and talk as you experience daily activities with your child.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau